Sep 30 ·
How to handle fear of the dark: ideas for parents
Fear of the dark is very common in childhood. Here is what you can do to help your child feel safe at bedtime.
How can you help a child who is afraid of the dark? The first step is to take the fear seriously: for the child, the dark really is scary, and telling them "there's nothing to be afraid of" rarely solves it. In this article we give you practical ideas for bedtime, explain how a story can help and say when to talk to a professional.
Why the dark is scary
Fear of the dark is common and usually appears from age 2 or 3, when imagination grows. In the dark, the child can no longer see their surroundings and imagination fills the empty spaces with monsters, sounds and shadows. It doesn't mean there is a problem: it is part of development and, in most cases, it passes with time and support.
What you can do at bedtime
- Create a calm routine: bath, pajamas, a story, a kiss and lights out, always in the same order.
- Use a soft night-light, preferably in a warm tone.
- Leave the door ajar, if the child prefers.
- Check the room together, without making it too long a ritual.
- Offer a comfort object, such as a stuffed toy or a favorite blanket.
What to say and what to avoid
| Instead of... | Try... |
|---|---|
| "There's nothing to be afraid of" | "I understand the dark scares you. I'm right here next door." |
| "You're too big for that" | "Many children feel the same. Let's find a way to help you feel better." |
| Ridiculing or scolding | Listening and asking what the child imagines |
| Sleeping with them every night without a plan | Agreeing on small steps, such as staying until they fall asleep and gradually leaving earlier |
Gradual steps
- 1Talk about the fear during the day, and not only at night, when the child is already tired.
- 2Explore the dark through play: games with flashlights, hide-and-seek at home, shadow theater.
- 3Reduce the light gradually instead of removing it all at once.
- 4Praise small progress, however minor.
- 5Keep the routine, even on weekends and vacations.
How a story can help
A story in which the child is the main character and faces the dark with courage can be a great starting point for talking about the subject. In the book, the character can discover that the dark has familiar sounds and smells, that monsters are shadows and that someone is always nearby. If the child wants to, they can comment on what the character does and how they feel.
In a personalized book you can choose the theme and have up to 5 characters, including the parents or a sibling. You can write the story yourself, with the words you use at home, or let us create it. The preview is free, with no account needed, and each book includes 2 free revisions.
The MyStoriez+ collection (coming soon)
EpicStoriez is preparing the MyStoriez+ collection, with 12 ready-made stories organized in 3 modules, among which "Fear of the Dark" is planned. On the site, the collection is still marked "coming soon", so it isn't possible to subscribe at the moment.
When to ask for help
If the fear is very intense, lasts several months, stops the child from sleeping or comes with other difficulties, such as anxiety during the day or frequent nightmares, it is worth talking to the pediatrician, the teacher or a psychologist. A book can accompany, but it doesn't replace professional help.
Common mistakes
- Forcing the child to stay alone in the dark from one day to the next.
- Laughing at the fear or comparing it with that of other children.
- Telling scary stories at night.
- Promising things you can't deliver, such as "you'll never be afraid".
Nightmares and night fears: not the same thing
Fear of the dark arises before falling asleep, when the child is alone in the dimness. Nightmares happen during sleep and make them wake up frightened. In both cases the response is similar: calm the child, show them you are nearby and avoid scary stimuli at the end of the day. If nightmares are very frequent, it is worth talking to the pediatrician.
Calm activities before bed
- A warm bath and a short chat about the day.
- A quiet story, read aloud.
- Soft music or nature sounds.
- Avoiding screens in the last hour before sleep.
- Taking three deep breaths together before turning off the light.
Teaching the child to calm themselves
Over time, it helps to give the child tools to deal with the fear without your help. You can teach them to hug the stuffed toy, to breathe slowly, to count to ten or to imagine a place they like. Practice these strategies during the day, in calm moments, so they can use them when they need to.
In short
Fear of the dark is normal and, with patience, routine and conversation, tends to fade. Listen to the child, create a calm routine, take small steps and, if you like, add a story in which they are the main character. Try the free preview and decide after you see the result.